They Got nothing on Him!

As I write this, I don't feel so strong, I actually feel a bit anxious and insecure. But I have realized that all those fears and insecurities, have nothing on me, or should I say Him! Him who holds my world in his hands. Him who has numbered the hairs on my head and had a plan for me before I was in my mother's womb.

"And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." Matthew 10:28

I don't need to fear that which can kill only my body! And the more I grow in my walk with Jesus, I fear physical death less and less, because I grow more confident in the safety of my soul. I know that when I die, whenever that may be, I'll be with Jesus.

This doesn't just apply to death. I can also be confident in my security here on earth. Things may still go wrong in my life but "I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." Psalm 37:25 I don't have to fear the calamity here on earth for God will never leave me nor forsake me.


He created the heaven and the earth surely he can handle my world. He IS the beginning and the end, I don't need to be worried about today or tomorrow. He loves me, and He is LOVE.


"We love him, because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

I'm telling you they got nothing on Him! :)

I am Thankful

I am thankful for Jesus. So glad to have his mercy, grace and holy spirit in my life.

I am thankful for Desmon. I am so blessed to have an amazing husband who is by my side through it all.

I am thankful for my wonderful little boys. They teach me so much, and bring me so much joy!

I am thankful for Parents who love me and raised me.

I am thankful for a Mother-in-law who has been such a great help to me.

I am thankful for my Brothers who may have driven me crazy at times, but also have been some great supports in my life.

I am thankful for the sisters that God has given me through relationship. God does things his own way!

I am thankful for the rest of my family and friends who add to my life in their own unique ways.

I am thankful for a comfortable warm home.
I am thankful for food on my table.

I am thankful for my van.

I am thankful for my clothes.

I am thankful for good health for me and my loved one's.

I am thankful for the ability to seek medical care when needed.

I am thankful for a great Church!

I am thankful to be able to share this on here.

I am thankful for the revelation of who and what God is in my life.He is my strength, my hope, my desire.

Be thankful!

Trying to Be Mommy

As I'm sure you can tell I have three totally amazing little boys! Donte is my chatter box, full of questions and information! Amon is my sweetie, he picks me dandelions evertime he see's them, and tells me he loves me twenty times a day. Judah is my silly baby, he's still mommy's baby at two and can be such a goof!

I am their mom. They didn't choose me. God chose me to be their mom. Sometimes I don't feel worthy. Sometimes I feel that they should have a better mom.  A mom that doesn't battle with anxiety and depression, a mom that is more fun and does more things with them. Someone who is stronger and has more faith. Someone who can stand up and fight better than me. Someone who isn't so overwhelmed by life.

I wish I could be that person.

But I suppose any woman would have some issue. I just wish ... I could be what they need me to be.

Being broken isn't always a bad thing.

I was blessed to attend a Women of Faith conference this weekend. I have to say If I could afford I would take every woman I know to this conference with me I would! I left feeling so refreshed and on fire for God. The Holy Spirit was surely at work there!!! To see that many woman come together around one common thing and to see them all praising God together, all ages, sizes, ethnicity's, life experiences, praising God as one body. Praising God through our brokenness. Learning that we can live above our brokenness. God loves us just as we are! No matter how many pieces we've been broken into.

There was such anointing in the worship, by the band and by the performers, Cece Winans, and Selah! It really opened the gates of heaven for the presence of God to come in.

Sheila Walsh spoke with such truth and understanding that God moves in and through, above and because of our brokenness. She helped me to see that even though I may be broken, I am even more moldable by God because of it. He loves me because I am broken and because I lean on him in my brokenness.

Ken Davis made me want to live more fully alive. He helped me to see that there is so much more to life. It is not about me! It is about HIM ^(Christ). and He wants me to live abundantly and the best way to do that is by focusing on him and what he created me for.

Liz Curtis Higgins reminded me that I am beautiful in the sight of God. That in and of itself spoke greatly to myself.

Christine Caine Moved me greatly with how she has allowed God to work and move her above and because of her brokenness. I loved the power that she spoke with! She is truly on fire, I hope to be that on fire (Lord move in me!!!)

Ann Vostkamp spoke so eloquently and beautifully, and straight from the heart. She reminded me to look around and see the love of God that is lavished on us daily.

Angie Smith. She really, really moved me and brought something out of me that I did not know was even still there. She recognized my baby that I have yet to meet, and recognized me and a thousand other women as mother's to these children who went on to heaven before us. But then she brought it back to keeping our eyes open so we don't miss what God is doing even in the midst of our deepest waters.

I can't thank these women enough for all that they sacrifice to touch the lives of us who are blessed to hear them, I can only hope that those who were there will allow all of this to sink in and to now be extended out to someone else who needs to hear how much they are loved, not in spite of their brokenness, but because of it! Thank You WOF!

><

On the verge.

On the verge of something. Don't know what.

Being being stretched, pulled. It hurts, but I know it WILL be worth it.

Waiting... Trying to wait patiently. Not always succeeding. Trying.

Looking all around, trying to figure it out. Don't see the answer.

Crying, Resting, Looking, Waiting.

Finally Trusting, Waiting Patiently, Still not knowing. But Trusting.

Trusting HIM.

Give Me Faith

I know that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. But sometimes it is so hard to hang onto that faith. When everything inside of me screams the opposite of what God says. How do I stand? I stand on the word of God, I try to anyway. But the rest of me curls up in this pain and doesn't know were to turn or what to do.
If we are healed why do we go throught these things??? Why do we not see the manifestation of our healing?!!!
If I scream it, If I say it a million times, what else do I do.?
And I feel that no one see's or really understands.
I know that God does, He has to, I know he has compassion for me and I'm so grateful that he knows what I'm going through, but I need a release.

This song, "Give me faith" says
" I may be weak, Your spirits strong in me... My flesh may fail, My God you never will... Give me faith to trust what you say, that your good, and your love is great, I'm broken inside I give you my life..."

Lord please help me. I know there is hope, I'm just trying to remember what it looks like.

Being like Peter

The story of Jesus walking on water is known to many and many know how Peter asked him, "If it is you Lord, let me come to you". Peter went to him and many will remember how Peter lost sight of the Lord and began to sink in the water. To many this can be a story that portrays lack of faith, but to me it is so much more than that it is a story of love, trust, faith, understanding and heroics.

When Peter saw that it was his beloved Lord he was so excited that he was willing to try and join him in WALKING ON WATER! How many of us would do that now? He loved him so much that he jumped out of the boat and went after his Jesus. Can you even imagine how much trust that had to take on Peters part, the story tells of the waves that were on the sea that day it would have been much easier to stay in the boat and watch the history be made. But Peter stepped out on a rocky sea by himself with no life jacket, to WALK, not even swim, but WALK.

Many think that because he falls, he lacks faith, that is not true at all, those who remained in the boat lacked faith. Peter stepped out. But because he was human, he did as all of us do at times, he took his eyes off of Jesus and began to focus on what was going on around him in the world. He saw the waves and saw that he was walking on water! I'd freak out too! So he fell.

This is just were the story gets good. He didn't drown, he didn't swim back to the boat, he didn't even flail around, because what did Jesus do??? He reached out and caught him. He saved him again. He understood that Peter was human and would need help, He knew.

" Oh you of little faith, Why did you doubt?" Jesus.

He wasn't saying that Peter lacked any faith. While Peter had great faith to even step out of the boat, he lost site of what was really important and of where his hope should lie. It's in Christ, not the storm around us, not in those back in the boat enjoying the show. If he only would've kept his eye's on Christ. Now while he could have had something so extraordinary in walking on water,  he had something better in realizing that Christ is there even when we fall, I bet if he'd had the opportunity again to walk on water with Jesus, he would have ran without fail to him, because he had seen Christ's faithfulness. 

What would've been?

May 26 is my dad's birthday, he will be 52 this year! I love my dad... But this year May 26 holds more for me, this would've been my due date for our fourth child. I lost her very early. But I can't help but wonder what would've been... She would've come early before May 26, my kids never make it till their due dates. She would've been a girl, something inside just tells me that. She would've been big and healthy. She would've had lots of dark curly hair and big brown eyes just like her brothers. She would've been the sweetest baby ever. Donte would've been thrilled to have a baby sister. Amon would've loved her like she was his child. Judah would've been jealous,lol, but cuddled her so much. Desmon would've been beside himself, and overwhelmed with love and the need to protect her. I would've been, there are no words to describe it. All of these would haves let me tell you what she is. She is a princess in heaven. She is loved deeply, by those gone before us, and by those of us waiting to meet her. She is in the arms of Jesus,Grandma Runyon and Grandma Naomi. Her name is Ella Louise... I love and miss you Ella xoxo

Turn Around <---

Life is Hard.
I could just leave this statement and relate to you all on that note. But there is something so much more important to relate to you on. Life is hard. Today has been a stressful day for me. There is so much going on around me and in my life that I just want to crawl into bed and stay there for a few weeks. I know you can relate to this. Everyone has times, days like these. Some have more than others. We all handle them differently. My question is why do those of us who know where to find our answers, our help, our strength, our power, our LIFE, why do we not draw from that? Why do we continue to look to ourselves, our friends, our spouses/partners, our problems, drugs, alcohol, so many other sources for peace?
God loves us! He really does. THere are a few people in my life right now that I just want to remind how much God loves them, including myself, the others, I hope you read this.
God created all of the beauty in life just for you! It would be here for you if you were the only person ever created. You are his child he created you with love and care. He delivered you into this world with awesome hopes and expectations for you. All the love in the world couldn't describe a tenth of how much he loves you. YOU. When life seems so hard remember this!
Trying to grasp this is so hard, but I'm trusting God to minister it to our hearts more and more everyday. So turn around, and remember this, quit going to all the other stuff to find your LIFE and turn to the one who is LIFE and LOVE.

Revival! What will it take?

God,
There are moments when I'm so overwhelmed and enraptured in your love.When I just want to sing and dance and shout for the joy You have given me. I have an ever ready hope that has grown in my heart, even in my dark moments I can draw on that hope. I have a desire to see others experience this love that has flooded my heart and the value that I experience as Your beloved daughter. I just want to run and run and tell everyone about you.
But so many others, including other christians,including myself at times, are so stuck on the life here on earth and the problems that they face and the stress and weaknesses that we deal with here. People are so indifferent about life, and about their souls and the souls of those that they love.
What will it take God, to see a true revival, to see people on fire for You! How can we live continually in Your grace and mercy? And also with your fervor to see renewal in souls and revival in spirits?
Let's rise up and reach out Christians. Let us reach out to God and continually be renewed and revived so that we can reach out to the lost and weary, with the strength and confidence of God and see hearts made whole and fire's lit under people and see salvation spread through our homes, families, cities, and nation!

27 years to remember

Has it really been 27 years that I've been here? It seems like such a short amount of time, yet so much has happened in the world, in my family, in my life, in my own heart.
I can look back over the last twenty seven years and see what all I have been, what titles I have held, many of which I am not proud. I lied, I cheated, I stole, I was an adulterer, I was hateful, I was selfish, I was disrespectful and unkind. The good that God placed in me at birth was fading more and more each year.
But God allowed me to come to a place where I knew, I saw how badly, how deeply I needed Him, how much my soul longed for Him, how my heart cried out for His love. Not the love of a man. But the love of God.
Slowly but surely I have begun to be reminded, by the word of God and His still small voice, who I really am. Apart from all the darkness that had begun to grow up inside of me, I began to see the beauty and the purpose for which I was really created.
I was not created for all of these horrible things but to be loved by the living God. To be a tool through which His light can shine. I can rise up and see all that he has done in my life. Brought me from so much. I am not the same person. I am stronger, lighter, loving, a princess.
Moving forward into whatever God has for me is my heart's desire.