Tenth

In the bible a tenth represents sacrifice. It has been ten years today since we agreed to lay down selfish desires and sacrifice for on another. While neither of us has done this perfectly we tried, for a time. But lately its become all about you. Not about us, or our family. We were meant to choose each other daily and love each other deeply. You stopped choosing us and started choosing you, that's when I began to see I'm still chosen. Chosen by God. I couldn't hear or see this truth when I was constantly being told I didn't matter other than to make you happy. Told I was worthless except for sex and making babies. While I did those things well, that is far from where my worth lies. You see because I am worth more than you can ever know, more than you even will try and imagine. So now I keep my eyes focused on that value that has been placed on me and I will accept nothing less than being treated as a most valuable belonging. I've given all I could to you long enough, now I place my all in Gods hands

Silence

I haven't written on here in a long time. I've been silent. Its not that I had nothing to say, I've had plenty to say. Its not that I was afraid or didn't have time. I've had too many words in my mind often times. So many that I am overwhelmed inside.
Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Sometimes it screams. Screams what cannot be heard through spoken words. The pain, the struggle, the striving. The things only seen in the depth of the eyes. Only seen by those who take the time to look deep enough to see and listen close enough to hear all that has been said in the silence.

Three Young Black Men

While I know that race shouldn't matter, it does. I HATE that it does. But it does...

 We are raising up three God-fearing, wonderful, respectful, kind young men. We are doing everything in our power to guide them into becoming loving, productive Christian young men. We teach them right from wrong according to the Bible. We do our best to set an example of Christ-like living. We teach them to pray, to ask for and give forgiveness, to work hard, to be a good friend, to care about people, to show God's love. We go to the extent of monitoring television, movies, all technology, we homeschool, we attend church twice a week, we pray and read the Bible as a family, all to maintain a very high standard of value's and moral's. We are doing the best we can to raise our children up into who God intends them to be.

That being said there is one thing that, like it or not, we have to take into consideration, especially as they grow into young men. They are black, yes they are also white, but they will be classified by most people who "see" race as being black. Last night the announcement was made that the police officer Darren Wilson, who shot 12 times and killed, eighteen year old young black male Mike Brown, would not be indicted. Yes Mike Brown committed a crime and resisted arrest, however he was unarmed and put his hands up to show submission and was still shot 12 times! Yes he put himself in this situation. But don't we all make mistakes? I know I did, and I know many other people who did, especially when they were young. We're still here. This seems to be the trend though, that if a young black man makes a bad choice and winds up in an encounter with the police, it is very likely that they may end up dead.

So yes we are doing our best to raise up three strong, Godly young men. God help us as a nation to do something so that I don't have to be concerned that they may face adversity solely because of the color of their skin.

If only we saw the world like this...

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Grace and Mercy

So I'm reading a book called "What's so amazing about Grace" by Philip Yancey. You should read it.
Grace:generosity of spirit: a capacity to tolerate, accommodate, or forgive people.

 

Of course this is only one definition, but I love the point of "generosity of spirit".  Grace is a gift, it cannot be bought or earned, if these are required it is not grace. I found there were many definitions of this word, but to me it is the unmerited, undeserved love, forgiveness, favor, and kindness of God. So saying that it is generosity of spirit would best describe it. It is exhibiting characteristics only God can create, but that we have in us through his spirit. And then, if we are like Christ, lavish on everyone we come in contact with.

 

If God has found a way to forgive me, for all that I have done and to still love me, and think precious thoughts toward me, and to have a future and a hope that He Himself has planned for me, how can I not pass this same grace onto others, the best I know how? I don't deserve God's grace, none of us do, but if we refuse to offer others that same grace, are we not renouncing the very grace that saves us?

It struck me in the middle of the night last night, we often offer the most Grace toward a person, at their funeral...When it doesn't matter anymore. Extending someone grace does nothing for the giver, but much for the receiver. It can relieve guilt and burden, it can set people free, it can open a person's eyes to the heart of God. It can bring amazing blessing into some one's life. Yet we often wait until a person has passed away to offer a generous spirit toward them, to offer words of accolade,  to tell them why we love them, what we love about them, what they contribute to the world. We wait until they pass to be understanding of who they were and the life that they lived, to truly try and see the trials and the choices that they had to walk through, and to acknowledge their strength. We wait until they have passed to finally forgive and allow them to "rest in peace", many times assuming that they will be dealt there judgement now, so we can stop trying to judge them ourselves, when it wasn't our job to judge them to begin with. Wouldn't it mean so much more to do all of this before someone has passed and allow them to see Christ in us, and allow them to rest in peace among the living...

Just a country girl... Trying to live a simple life

I spent most of my childhood barefooted and outdoors. I loved the feel of the cool grass between my toes. I miss washing the grass stains from the bottoms of my feet at the end of each day. I climbed tree's with my brothers. We picked berries and ended up with the best smoothies ever and purple fingers! We caught frogs together, some were no bigger than the end of our fingers. We played in the sandbox and swung and climbed. We rode our bikes to the country store a couple miles away and bought treats. We helped my Grandpa stack wood, pull weeds and clean fish. I remember my Grandma canning and cooking and helping her hang clothes on the line. I remember raking leaves and jumping in the piles. Fishing with my dad grandpa was a special treat. Playing in the snow, even when it got dark, building some awesome snowmen and snow sculptures. Sledding and rubbing snow in our faces so we'd look cold and get hot cocoa when we went inside. Oh how I miss those days...

Now I am trying to create a similar life for my children. The world seems to keep speeding up and never stops. I want to learn to slow down and enjoy my world, let the rest of the world have their hyper speed lives. It's not for me. I want to enjoy my kids and all that God has placed here for us to experience.

I want to learn to slow down and experience God's presence everyday, in all the ways that I can.

6 years...

November 3 was my and my husband's 6 year anniversary. The number 6 represents human weakness. We have definitely dealt with weaknesses over the past 6 years but we have also experienced the overcoming power of Christ. We still all too often get caught in our own carnallity and weakness but when I look back at all that God has brought us through I am amazed and awed by the blessing I have in my marriage.
I am married to my best friend. I know I can tell him anything and he will still love me, I know that no matter what comes my way in this life he will be by my side going through it with me, he will go to God on the behalf of myself and my children, No matter what problems may arise in our marriage we will find a way to work it out, because our family is more important than any hurt or problems that try to come.
My husband is a great man. While dealing with his own hurts of not having a father he has become an awesome dad, loving our children and showing them how to be strong yet loving men. He has such a generous, gentle heart desiring not only the best for our family but for our extended family and friends as well. He is one of the deepest people I've ever met.
Though our weaknesses will never completely disappear I am confident that together we will continue to overcome each and every obstacle.
I love you Desmon!
God bless our marriage and help us to continue to grow and find a deeper love for You and each other. Amen.

My Daddy's Bigger!

When I was a little girl I remember "arguing" with other children, that my daddy was bigger or stronger, or could do this or that. It was a competition to see who had the best,strongest, awesomest dad. I now have heard my own children do the same. It's cute. And while I have a great earthly dad, as do my children, I have begun to realize I have the coolest Father ever! My Daddy God is the best Dad anyone could ever have! He holds the worlds in His hand, He numbers the stars, He is the creator of all! He loves me more deeply and passionately than anyone on earth ever could! He know's how many hairs I have on my head, and He cares enough about me to know me that deeply. He see's the very depths of my heart.

There is a song I've been listening to tonight. It goes "our God is fighting for us always, we are not alone!" How awesome is that. My God(Dad) will go to bat for me any time, any place, all I have to do is call on him!He loves me!

If we can depend on an earthly father to protect and care for us, how much more can we depend on our heavenly Father to go above and beyond that?

To those of you who never had an earthly father, I'm sorry. I pray that God will give you an extra revelation of his love here on earth, so that you might know a perfect Father's love.

Remember: Your God is fighting for you always! You are not alone!

He will never leave us nor forsake us.