Not Made for this World

There are days when I find myself so weary. I long so, so badly for ...
I can't put my finger on it.
I long for something I cannot reach, not from here.
I long for a connection that is supernatural.
I long for someone to truly see my soul.
I long to be loved perfectly.
I long
Oh how I long...
For HOME.
"Home?" you say,
"What do I mean?" you ask,
This is not my home!
I do not belong here!
I was not created for this place!
I was not created to experience sickness, sorrow, pain, dissapointment, rejection, war, poverty, loss, seperation or hate. I was NOT created to experience the many, many downfalls of this earth, I was not created to live and grow and flourish in a place were evil rules.
No I was created for something much greater. I was created to bask in the Glory of an almighty God. I was created to shine with the same glory. I was created to be loved perfectly. I was created to love others perfectly. I was created to be accepted. I was created to be perfect. I was. So were you.
I was created to rest in the strong arms of my awesome Father. I was created to praise and love Him with all my heart, soul, strength and all my mind. He loves me like this. And you.
No you see I was created for something much greater than this earth. So much greater. And someday I will be Home. And I will be in Perfect Love and Peace at all times.
Oh how I long for that day, how I long to be home with my Daddy.

2 Corinthians 5:8
" We are confident, I say, to be away from the body and at home with the Lord."

A Blank Pallet

You did not start as a blank pallet. Though many think this is so.

A blank pallet is empty and formless. It has no beauty or ugliness, no good or evil, no character or thought. It is nothing.

You did not begin as nothing. You began as something glorious and marvelous. So beautiful one cannot stand to gaze upon you, but cannot bare to look away.

You began with so much love. So much good and potential. You began with the strength to move mountains, the power to raise the dead, and the faith to love the unlovable.

You began pure and holy with no weakness or bondage. You began as no other creation has.


You see you did not begin as a blank pallet, but as a mirror. A mirror that reflects the perfect image of God.

Unfortunately this world is not made to preserve mirrors.

As the years go by and life happens, we become smudged, scratched, weak and broken.

BUT,

There is one thing and one thing only that can restore us back to that glorious reflection of God.

GRACE.

Grace doesn't even just put us back together for there would still be cracks. Grace makes us into an entirely new mirror again. Grace allows to reflect the perfect image of God, no matter how many times life cracks us.

You were never a blank pallet. You always have been and always will be a mirror. it is up to you what you reflect.

Give Me Jesus- Jeremy Camp

Give Me Jesus

Oh today has been one of "THOSE" days. Yes it has! Ready for bed already, but I have to figure out dinner and do baths and laundry and make a couple phone calls and try and do a little more cleaning. UGH! My patience is worn down to it's last layer and my nerves are worn completely raw. I've sighed probably a hundred times in the last two hours. Now that I've got all that out there I just have one thing to say "Give me Jesus" please. He is all I need. I keep listening to that song over and over. "You can have all this world" and it's troubles and stress and anger and dissapointment, just give me Jesus. " In the morning when I rise" and all day long while the kids fight and whine and my head hurts, and in the evening when I'm exhausted and in the middle of the night when I wake up and start worrying about the bills, just give me Jesus. "When I'm all alone" (haha yea right with three kids and a husband who works full time and goes to school that never happens) let's try when I FEEL alone, when I feel like I'm all alone and nobody understands or cares, just give me Jesus. "When I come to die" and my time here is done and the Lord has used me to his full here and has decided it is time for me to rest and have peace and joy and his love forever, GIVE ME JESUS with his arms wrapped around me and my tears wiped away on his shirt, and my whole heart filled with his love. GIVE ME JESUS.

Hiding Place

Sometimes I just want to runaway and hide from it all. I feel so weighed down by the responsibilities of being a mother, a wife, a friend, daughter, sister, even of being a christian. The problem is where ever I go, there I will be. I will still be there. I can't runaway from myself when ultimately that is who I want to run from. I don't want to run from my children, my husband, Jesus or anyone else just myself. I want to run from all the things in my past, I want to run from every wrong thing that still dwells in my heart, I want to run from my fear, doubt, worry, and anxiety. I want to run from the future, I want to run from the mistakes I make on a daily basis.

I feel so inadequate and unable to bear all that this life has for me. I am afraid of the future, even when it lies in the hands of God. I am afraid I won't be a good enough mother and that my children will suffer for it. I am afraid I am not supporting my husband enough, and not being a good helpmeet to him. I have lived with so much fear and condemnation on myself. I am ready to break free of it all.

Because JESUS died for ME! That is how I can say: I am MORE than adequate and able, I am NOT afraid of the future, because God's plans for me are for a future and a hope. I am a GREAT mother and helpmeet to my husband. I am NOT fearful or condemned. I am courageous and justified.

I want to run, but not away, TO the arms of Jesus.

Superhero's have Mommy's too!!!

Today was a looooooonnnnngggg day. I didn't sleep well, Donte didn't want to get up for school, Amon woke up whining, I was tired all day, Judah was sort of fussy, the big boys didn't want to listen at all this evening, and I'm exhausted!

On days like today it helps me to remember what I'm really doing here. I'm mothering three amazing little boys. They aren't just any little boys, they are little boys called by God to do amazing things for his kingdom. They are little superhero's. I know that God has a divine call and plan on their lives. Donte already has such a strong heart and hunger for understanding God and his word. Amon even with his little mood swinging self can have the sweetest heart and touch in the world when he wants to, and Judah, his name fits him well, he is my little praiser always smiling and laughing.

I'm still in awe that God has trusted me with raising these boys into the men He intends for them to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm in way over my head, then I realize on my own, I would have long ago drowned. BUT I have someone there holding me up not allowing me to fall, no matter how weary I get, making my feet like hinds' feet so that I can climb this mountain, JESUS.

I know that I could never do this on my own. But God is on my side and as he teaches me to trust and love him, he's showing me how to teach my children the same.

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" Joshua 24:15

Lord continue to strengthen me through you. Help me to remember that I can't do it out of my own strength, that I need to rely on You. Help me to set a Godly example for my children. Guide my steps and show me how raise them into the little superhero's that You've created them to be. In Jesus name, Amen.