Soundtrack

I LOVE music! If there is one sense I wouldn't want to lose it would be hearing. Music can set a mood, change a mood, enhance a mood.

I don't know about you but there are definitely songs that I would consider the soundtrack to my life. The one I can't stop listening to today, perfectly describes the last 28 years(tomorrow I'll be 28!).

The song is called Brokenness aside by All Sons and Daughters. Listen to it! You'll be glad you did. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXqvJb_IGak

God has taken all my brokenness and either has or is turning it into something beautiful.  My heart was broken many times by many men in my life. I thought that I loved some of them, and they broke my heart, I wasn't good enough for them to love. One of these men may have loved me as best he could, but when I became pregnant he left me all alone and even lied about me and the baby saying it wasn't his, when he knew it was. It took me a long time to forgive this man, some days I still have to ask God to help me with it. But God blessed me a few years later with a wonderful amazing husband who is a great father to my son. I couldn't have asked for a better blessing.

I have went through many other hurts in my life, and God has always, always been faithful to bring beauty out of my own mistakes, or things done to me, or just out of the circumstances or dissapointments of living in a fallen world.

I know he will always make it beautiful, he takes the chaos in our lives and turns it into divine beauty.

Thank you God for putting my Brokenness Aside.

They Got nothing on Him!

As I write this, I don't feel so strong, I actually feel a bit anxious and insecure. But I have realized that all those fears and insecurities, have nothing on me, or should I say Him! Him who holds my world in his hands. Him who has numbered the hairs on my head and had a plan for me before I was in my mother's womb.

"And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." Matthew 10:28

I don't need to fear that which can kill only my body! And the more I grow in my walk with Jesus, I fear physical death less and less, because I grow more confident in the safety of my soul. I know that when I die, whenever that may be, I'll be with Jesus.

This doesn't just apply to death. I can also be confident in my security here on earth. Things may still go wrong in my life but "I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." Psalm 37:25 I don't have to fear the calamity here on earth for God will never leave me nor forsake me.


He created the heaven and the earth surely he can handle my world. He IS the beginning and the end, I don't need to be worried about today or tomorrow. He loves me, and He is LOVE.


"We love him, because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

I'm telling you they got nothing on Him! :)

I am Thankful

I am thankful for Jesus. So glad to have his mercy, grace and holy spirit in my life.

I am thankful for Desmon. I am so blessed to have an amazing husband who is by my side through it all.

I am thankful for my wonderful little boys. They teach me so much, and bring me so much joy!

I am thankful for Parents who love me and raised me.

I am thankful for a Mother-in-law who has been such a great help to me.

I am thankful for my Brothers who may have driven me crazy at times, but also have been some great supports in my life.

I am thankful for the sisters that God has given me through relationship. God does things his own way!

I am thankful for the rest of my family and friends who add to my life in their own unique ways.

I am thankful for a comfortable warm home.
I am thankful for food on my table.

I am thankful for my van.

I am thankful for my clothes.

I am thankful for good health for me and my loved one's.

I am thankful for the ability to seek medical care when needed.

I am thankful for a great Church!

I am thankful to be able to share this on here.

I am thankful for the revelation of who and what God is in my life.He is my strength, my hope, my desire.

Be thankful!

Trying to Be Mommy

As I'm sure you can tell I have three totally amazing little boys! Donte is my chatter box, full of questions and information! Amon is my sweetie, he picks me dandelions evertime he see's them, and tells me he loves me twenty times a day. Judah is my silly baby, he's still mommy's baby at two and can be such a goof!

I am their mom. They didn't choose me. God chose me to be their mom. Sometimes I don't feel worthy. Sometimes I feel that they should have a better mom.  A mom that doesn't battle with anxiety and depression, a mom that is more fun and does more things with them. Someone who is stronger and has more faith. Someone who can stand up and fight better than me. Someone who isn't so overwhelmed by life.

I wish I could be that person.

But I suppose any woman would have some issue. I just wish ... I could be what they need me to be.

Being broken isn't always a bad thing.

I was blessed to attend a Women of Faith conference this weekend. I have to say If I could afford I would take every woman I know to this conference with me I would! I left feeling so refreshed and on fire for God. The Holy Spirit was surely at work there!!! To see that many woman come together around one common thing and to see them all praising God together, all ages, sizes, ethnicity's, life experiences, praising God as one body. Praising God through our brokenness. Learning that we can live above our brokenness. God loves us just as we are! No matter how many pieces we've been broken into.

There was such anointing in the worship, by the band and by the performers, Cece Winans, and Selah! It really opened the gates of heaven for the presence of God to come in.

Sheila Walsh spoke with such truth and understanding that God moves in and through, above and because of our brokenness. She helped me to see that even though I may be broken, I am even more moldable by God because of it. He loves me because I am broken and because I lean on him in my brokenness.

Ken Davis made me want to live more fully alive. He helped me to see that there is so much more to life. It is not about me! It is about HIM ^(Christ). and He wants me to live abundantly and the best way to do that is by focusing on him and what he created me for.

Liz Curtis Higgins reminded me that I am beautiful in the sight of God. That in and of itself spoke greatly to myself.

Christine Caine Moved me greatly with how she has allowed God to work and move her above and because of her brokenness. I loved the power that she spoke with! She is truly on fire, I hope to be that on fire (Lord move in me!!!)

Ann Vostkamp spoke so eloquently and beautifully, and straight from the heart. She reminded me to look around and see the love of God that is lavished on us daily.

Angie Smith. She really, really moved me and brought something out of me that I did not know was even still there. She recognized my baby that I have yet to meet, and recognized me and a thousand other women as mother's to these children who went on to heaven before us. But then she brought it back to keeping our eyes open so we don't miss what God is doing even in the midst of our deepest waters.

I can't thank these women enough for all that they sacrifice to touch the lives of us who are blessed to hear them, I can only hope that those who were there will allow all of this to sink in and to now be extended out to someone else who needs to hear how much they are loved, not in spite of their brokenness, but because of it! Thank You WOF!

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On the verge.

On the verge of something. Don't know what.

Being being stretched, pulled. It hurts, but I know it WILL be worth it.

Waiting... Trying to wait patiently. Not always succeeding. Trying.

Looking all around, trying to figure it out. Don't see the answer.

Crying, Resting, Looking, Waiting.

Finally Trusting, Waiting Patiently, Still not knowing. But Trusting.

Trusting HIM.

Give Me Faith

I know that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. But sometimes it is so hard to hang onto that faith. When everything inside of me screams the opposite of what God says. How do I stand? I stand on the word of God, I try to anyway. But the rest of me curls up in this pain and doesn't know were to turn or what to do.
If we are healed why do we go throught these things??? Why do we not see the manifestation of our healing?!!!
If I scream it, If I say it a million times, what else do I do.?
And I feel that no one see's or really understands.
I know that God does, He has to, I know he has compassion for me and I'm so grateful that he knows what I'm going through, but I need a release.

This song, "Give me faith" says
" I may be weak, Your spirits strong in me... My flesh may fail, My God you never will... Give me faith to trust what you say, that your good, and your love is great, I'm broken inside I give you my life..."

Lord please help me. I know there is hope, I'm just trying to remember what it looks like.