Keepin' it 100

SO my last post was desperate and depressing, but sometimes I feel that way. I feel so utterly lost and alone. But what can we be, if we can't be real with each other?
We all try so hard to be perfect, and to be right. Especially as Christians, we don't really let each other see our real hearts. Sure we let out the love and kindness and let it shine out like we're care bear's with a big sun beam coming out of our stomach's. But that's not REAL! We all get angry and hurt and sad. None of us are immune to our humanity and all the emotions and sorrow that comes with it. So why do we act like we are?
Were are the Christian Samaritan's? We all want to celebrate and join in the festivities when everything is great and we are happy. But when we are lying on the side of the road with huge gaping emotional wounds and are crying out for help, how often is it the Christian that walks on by. Or maybe they stop and look at you and say "Get Up!" "Don't you know who you are in Christ" "Don't you know he's healed you" " Get over it".Yet it was Jesus himself who told us to be like the Samaritan and to care for that wounded person, to feed and clothe and mend there wounds. We want to reach out and help those who don't know Christ we want to lead them to Him and show them the way, but the one's we've already led we leave to fend for themselves. Maybe I'm wrong in this but that just doesn't sound right.
We here about the miracles and physical healing's but what about the emotional wound's? Are they being healed? And if they are, why don't we talk about them?
Is it fair to only want to see the happy cheery Christian all the time? Or maybe you've been struggling for a while and been down for a while and people are starting to ignore you thinking, "geez isn't she over that yet?" Why do we limit our compassion to only certain wounds,illnesses? Why do we put a time limit on our compassion? What if the Samaritan would have only brought the man to the hotel and left him to figure out the rest? Would he even have made it in the bible?
For you Christian's who try to be sunshine bear all the time, let's be honest it's not real. And for those of you who only want to deal with sunshine bear, remember, you will have your days' were you to are grumpy bear and need some compassion. For those of you who are grumpy bear right now, I understand, it won't always be this way, but don't feel that you have to hide it. Reach out and find someone who will help you heal.
Christ is our ultimate healer, but he's given us each other for a reason and that is to hold each other up when we feel we can't go on.

Tired of fighting.

I know that God has said that his burden is light. But I feel so weighed down. I know he has said not to grow weary. But I am so so tired.
I don't know were to go from here.
I feel like I have to FIGHT for everything in my life.
I have to fight for peace.
I have to fight for my sanity.
I have to fight for my children.
I have to fight for my marriage.
I have to fight for my family.
I have to fight for my relationship with God.
I am so tired of fighting. I don't know where to draw strength from anymore. I try and draw from the Lord. but it drains so quickly. I don't know how to be any stronger. I don't know were to turn from here. I am so alone. I'm losing my grip and I'm scared to fall. Will anyone catch me if I fall? I've always caught everyone else, who will catch me? Or will I fall to my end? GOD!!! Where are you? Please help me!!!! I am so tired. I can't go on like this much longer.
Will someone please catch me. Just reach out a hand and help me, please!!
Where is this strength, this river that will keep me always? Have I wondered away from it, if I have, I am sorry, HOW DO I GET BACK? How do I psh on through this?

Mourning

Sometimes I sit and mourn the things that I've missed out on. Thing's that I should've had, but was denied. I have been so blessed, but I have also been denied many thing's that as a child of the Living God I feel, I know I am entitled to. There are so many thing's. I won't list them all as I don't wan to hurt anyone's feeling's. But the hurt for me is deep and painful. I wonder if it was me, was I not someone to be loved enough to recieve these thing's? Was I not valued? Why did I not recieve the same blessing's bestowed on many other's that I see? How do I fill this void?

Trusting Him for beauty...

The last year has been a really rough one for me. It seems that through the building of my character there comes a lot of pain, fear, sorrow , and dissapointment. I know that might sound odd, but God is showing me that NOTHING is out of my strength, but all His. I thought I was doing thing's out of His but it was mostly out of my own. He is also showing me that despite what I thought was best for our family and what I wanted, while it wasn't wrong, it might not line up with His plans.There are some things that I'm really struggling to let go of, and it's not even that God has said "No" to these things he's just said "wait and trust, and I will do what's best for you".
This is the hardest part for me. Waiting. Trusting. In my head I keep going "well what if" or
"but it makes me so sad to let go". His Grace. His Grace. His Grace. That is the only way I will ever make it through this. I want so badly to know the future and to have security in my life and in the desires of my heart. Unfortunately on this earth, I can never have these thing's 100%. But I hold tightly to the fact that I have Heaven and an Awesome, Awesome Father waiting for me.
There are two verses that have helped me through this all.

Jeremiah 29:11:
11For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
Amplified Bible
Deuteronomy 31:8
8It is the Lord Who goes before you; He will [march] with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; [let there be no cowardice or flinching, but] fear not, neither become broken [in spirit--depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm].

This song I've also posted helps me so much. " I give it all to you God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCiOL7PIi0o&feature=colike

Through the storm

Lately I have been wishing I could paint or draw, but I can't. That is not my gifting. But I can write! So I am going to "paint" if you will, with my words.





I open my eyes in the morning, this place I am in is unfamiliar, and frightening. I don't know how I got here, but I don't want to be here. "Why am I here?" I cry.





I am in one of those glass bottles that you sometimes see ships in. There is a storm raging in this bottle and within myself. I can see beyond the bottle the peace of everyday life. I can see my loved ones, even myself going through the motions.





Yet I am here in the midst of this horrifying storm. The clouds are as dark as the night sky, the lightning is sharp and forceful. The thunder is deafening and the rain and hail feel as though they pierce my skin. "Why am I here, Lord have mercy on me!"





It doesn't stop, it continues, it seems to go on for eternity. I fall on my face, the wind and rain continue to rush around me. The pain seems unbearable, "How will I survive this? Lord help me!" Then a hand touches my shoulder, I look up and there He sits next to me. Jesus. Weeping, with and for me, crying out to God on my behalf. The storm is still raging but my Jesus is here with me, that makes the pain and horror a little more bearable.





Slowly the storm settles to a mild rain. Sadness still overtakes me at times as does the fear, but I am now standing, holding the hand of my Lord and Savior. He was with me through it all the horrible storm and will stay with me forever.





Even when the sun's warmth touches my face and the raging storm has long since moved on He will stand rejoicing with me.





But for now the rain falls on our feet along with our tears, my hand is warmed by His and I know the sun will shine again.