November 3 was my and my husband's 6 year anniversary. The number 6 represents human weakness. We have definitely dealt with weaknesses over the past 6 years but we have also experienced the overcoming power of Christ. We still all too often get caught in our own carnallity and weakness but when I look back at all that God has brought us through I am amazed and awed by the blessing I have in my marriage.
I am married to my best friend. I know I can tell him anything and he will still love me, I know that no matter what comes my way in this life he will be by my side going through it with me, he will go to God on the behalf of myself and my children, No matter what problems may arise in our marriage we will find a way to work it out, because our family is more important than any hurt or problems that try to come.
My husband is a great man. While dealing with his own hurts of not having a father he has become an awesome dad, loving our children and showing them how to be strong yet loving men. He has such a generous, gentle heart desiring not only the best for our family but for our extended family and friends as well. He is one of the deepest people I've ever met.
Though our weaknesses will never completely disappear I am confident that together we will continue to overcome each and every obstacle.
I love you Desmon!
God bless our marriage and help us to continue to grow and find a deeper love for You and each other. Amen.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Sunday, July 7, 2013
My Daddy's Bigger!
When I was a little girl I remember "arguing" with other children, that my daddy was bigger or stronger, or could do this or that. It was a competition to see who had the best,strongest, awesomest dad. I now have heard my own children do the same. It's cute. And while I have a great earthly dad, as do my children, I have begun to realize I have the coolest Father ever! My Daddy God is the best Dad anyone could ever have! He holds the worlds in His hand, He numbers the stars, He is the creator of all! He loves me more deeply and passionately than anyone on earth ever could! He know's how many hairs I have on my head, and He cares enough about me to know me that deeply. He see's the very depths of my heart.
There is a song I've been listening to tonight. It goes "our God is fighting for us always, we are not alone!" How awesome is that. My God(Dad) will go to bat for me any time, any place, all I have to do is call on him!He loves me!
If we can depend on an earthly father to protect and care for us, how much more can we depend on our heavenly Father to go above and beyond that?
To those of you who never had an earthly father, I'm sorry. I pray that God will give you an extra revelation of his love here on earth, so that you might know a perfect Father's love.
Remember: Your God is fighting for you always! You are not alone!
He will never leave us nor forsake us.
There is a song I've been listening to tonight. It goes "our God is fighting for us always, we are not alone!" How awesome is that. My God(Dad) will go to bat for me any time, any place, all I have to do is call on him!He loves me!
If we can depend on an earthly father to protect and care for us, how much more can we depend on our heavenly Father to go above and beyond that?
To those of you who never had an earthly father, I'm sorry. I pray that God will give you an extra revelation of his love here on earth, so that you might know a perfect Father's love.
Remember: Your God is fighting for you always! You are not alone!
He will never leave us nor forsake us.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Daddy's little girl
The other night at church I had my arms raised up during worship, it is an act of surrender and praise to raise your hands during worship.
The Lord showed me that not only is it surrender and worship but it is me being his little girl. I raise my hands as a small child gesturing to be picked up and cradled in the arms of my Daddy, my Abba God.
Though I walk with God's joy and peace in my life, I still feel the sadness and despair of this world at times, and to know that I can lift my arms and my Abba will lift me!!! It brings me to tears. He loves me, He see's me, He holds me in his arms and kisses my head...
There are days when I still feel like a little girl in my heart and I don't know how to handle all that life has handed me. I reach out to my Daddy and he lifts me.
There are days that I don't feel beautiful by this world's standards. I twirl or sing for my Daddy and He smiles and delights in me!
There are times when I can't stop the tears or the pain in my heart. My Daddy is there to wipe my eyes and comfort me.
There are situations where I don't know what to do, I ask my Abba and He gives me wisdom and direction.
When a little girl is frightened or unsure of something she will often go to her Daddy and lift her arms, she doesn't have to tell him what she needs, He knows. He lifts her with love and concern in His eyes, wanting nothing more than to make it all better for her. This is how God loves me! This is how God loves you!
Listen to this song I posted above and let it be your prayer to our Abba.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
No more Shackles
Isaiah 9: 4 " For you will break the yoke of their slavery and lift the heavy burden from their shoulders."
Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all been bound to some type of slavery in our lives. Some things we were forced into, some we walked into oblivious to the shackles we were strapping on, and some of us took on our shackles of slavery as if they were precious metal.
Some of us are bound by addiction, some by emotions, some by other people.
I was bound by a desire to be loved, I looked to have it filled in the arms of any man that would have me. There were times that I believed I found it, and there were times were I knew I was being used, but I didn't care. I would hope that if I just kept letting them use me, they would eventually love me. What I didn't realize is that a master of a slave cannot love them, they do not look at them as having any value and they never will, because if they did, they would free them from their bondage.
I ended up binding myself not only to several men, but also to cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. These were physical bondages that could have done great harm to my body.
The shackles of men I put on also could have done physical damage to me, but the men did the most damage to my heart, my soul, my spirit. The more the men used me, the more my heart yearned for a deep meaningfull love, yet I kept turning to more men who only bound more shackles on me. My soul cried for humanity to be loving, yet I kept finding bondage and oppression. These things continued to stifle the tiny flame of my spirit that was left. I felt Hopeless and unlovable. I cried many times for love, or for the lost opportunity of love. The hole just kept getting deeper. Then I met a man I spent every waking hour with, I even told him at the beginning of our relationship that if all he wanted from me was physical, to tell me up front, I was okay with that. How sad that I was okay with being used, I had resigned myself to that being my life. But he wanted me to be his. I was his girlfriend, He said he loved me. Then a month into our relationship I learned that his love came with conditions. I was pregnant... If I wanted to stay with him, I would have to have an abortion, I would have to kill the little being that had come out of our "love". I couldn't do it. We broke up, he threatened my life, told me he wished I would die, and I was ruining both of our lives. Nine months later the most pure love I had known up to that point came into my life. An amazing little boy, I named him Donte (lasting) Imani (Hope), I still had hope, but I knew in my heart things would have to change.
I began to seek God, I moved to Iowa, I began to find God :) He started speaking to me and showing himself to me. I fell in love with God. He removed my shackles and set me free to be the woman he created me to be, not the woman that I had allowed others to define me as.
But I still yearned to have a man to love me and my son. I still looked in the wrong places, because I didn't keep my focus completely on God I allowed my heart to become somewhat bound to a couple more men. Then it hit me, If I didn't love God completely he wouldn't allow another man in my life to take attention away from him. I needed to give my complete devotion to God.
Two weeks later I met a man who did not want me bound in shackles, but wanted me bound by love to him. He didn't expect things of me, in order to love me, he just loved me. We married a year later and over the next three years God brought two more men into my life out of a pure love, my sons Amon and Judah. God had given me the pure uninhibited love of four men.
I realized soon after though that my heart,soul and spirit, though they were free in Christ still remained bound slightly within myself. I realized that I loved God, but that I was trying to be his "slave" and earn his love just as I had with men, I didn't feel worthy of the GIFT of his love, I thought I had to pay for it. I'm still working on this. I'm still working through some of the emotions that came with this too. But my spirit... It is now a huge flame that continues to grow by the grace of God!
Don't allow any shackles to bind into a life that was not meant for you, God has freedom and the keys to loose you into His destiny for your life, but He can't remove the shackles if you don't let him. Allow Christ to free you from what binds you in this life!
Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all been bound to some type of slavery in our lives. Some things we were forced into, some we walked into oblivious to the shackles we were strapping on, and some of us took on our shackles of slavery as if they were precious metal.
Some of us are bound by addiction, some by emotions, some by other people.
I was bound by a desire to be loved, I looked to have it filled in the arms of any man that would have me. There were times that I believed I found it, and there were times were I knew I was being used, but I didn't care. I would hope that if I just kept letting them use me, they would eventually love me. What I didn't realize is that a master of a slave cannot love them, they do not look at them as having any value and they never will, because if they did, they would free them from their bondage.
I ended up binding myself not only to several men, but also to cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. These were physical bondages that could have done great harm to my body.
The shackles of men I put on also could have done physical damage to me, but the men did the most damage to my heart, my soul, my spirit. The more the men used me, the more my heart yearned for a deep meaningfull love, yet I kept turning to more men who only bound more shackles on me. My soul cried for humanity to be loving, yet I kept finding bondage and oppression. These things continued to stifle the tiny flame of my spirit that was left. I felt Hopeless and unlovable. I cried many times for love, or for the lost opportunity of love. The hole just kept getting deeper. Then I met a man I spent every waking hour with, I even told him at the beginning of our relationship that if all he wanted from me was physical, to tell me up front, I was okay with that. How sad that I was okay with being used, I had resigned myself to that being my life. But he wanted me to be his. I was his girlfriend, He said he loved me. Then a month into our relationship I learned that his love came with conditions. I was pregnant... If I wanted to stay with him, I would have to have an abortion, I would have to kill the little being that had come out of our "love". I couldn't do it. We broke up, he threatened my life, told me he wished I would die, and I was ruining both of our lives. Nine months later the most pure love I had known up to that point came into my life. An amazing little boy, I named him Donte (lasting) Imani (Hope), I still had hope, but I knew in my heart things would have to change.
I began to seek God, I moved to Iowa, I began to find God :) He started speaking to me and showing himself to me. I fell in love with God. He removed my shackles and set me free to be the woman he created me to be, not the woman that I had allowed others to define me as.
But I still yearned to have a man to love me and my son. I still looked in the wrong places, because I didn't keep my focus completely on God I allowed my heart to become somewhat bound to a couple more men. Then it hit me, If I didn't love God completely he wouldn't allow another man in my life to take attention away from him. I needed to give my complete devotion to God.
Two weeks later I met a man who did not want me bound in shackles, but wanted me bound by love to him. He didn't expect things of me, in order to love me, he just loved me. We married a year later and over the next three years God brought two more men into my life out of a pure love, my sons Amon and Judah. God had given me the pure uninhibited love of four men.
I realized soon after though that my heart,soul and spirit, though they were free in Christ still remained bound slightly within myself. I realized that I loved God, but that I was trying to be his "slave" and earn his love just as I had with men, I didn't feel worthy of the GIFT of his love, I thought I had to pay for it. I'm still working on this. I'm still working through some of the emotions that came with this too. But my spirit... It is now a huge flame that continues to grow by the grace of God!
Don't allow any shackles to bind into a life that was not meant for you, God has freedom and the keys to loose you into His destiny for your life, but He can't remove the shackles if you don't let him. Allow Christ to free you from what binds you in this life!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Soundtrack
I LOVE music! If there is one sense I wouldn't want to lose it would be hearing. Music can set a mood, change a mood, enhance a mood.
I don't know about you but there are definitely songs that I would consider the soundtrack to my life. The one I can't stop listening to today, perfectly describes the last 28 years(tomorrow I'll be 28!).
The song is called Brokenness aside by All Sons and Daughters. Listen to it! You'll be glad you did. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXqvJb_IGak
God has taken all my brokenness and either has or is turning it into something beautiful. My heart was broken many times by many men in my life. I thought that I loved some of them, and they broke my heart, I wasn't good enough for them to love. One of these men may have loved me as best he could, but when I became pregnant he left me all alone and even lied about me and the baby saying it wasn't his, when he knew it was. It took me a long time to forgive this man, some days I still have to ask God to help me with it. But God blessed me a few years later with a wonderful amazing husband who is a great father to my son. I couldn't have asked for a better blessing.
I have went through many other hurts in my life, and God has always, always been faithful to bring beauty out of my own mistakes, or things done to me, or just out of the circumstances or dissapointments of living in a fallen world.
I know he will always make it beautiful, he takes the chaos in our lives and turns it into divine beauty.
Thank you God for putting my Brokenness Aside.
I don't know about you but there are definitely songs that I would consider the soundtrack to my life. The one I can't stop listening to today, perfectly describes the last 28 years(tomorrow I'll be 28!).
The song is called Brokenness aside by All Sons and Daughters. Listen to it! You'll be glad you did. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXqvJb_IGak
God has taken all my brokenness and either has or is turning it into something beautiful. My heart was broken many times by many men in my life. I thought that I loved some of them, and they broke my heart, I wasn't good enough for them to love. One of these men may have loved me as best he could, but when I became pregnant he left me all alone and even lied about me and the baby saying it wasn't his, when he knew it was. It took me a long time to forgive this man, some days I still have to ask God to help me with it. But God blessed me a few years later with a wonderful amazing husband who is a great father to my son. I couldn't have asked for a better blessing.
I have went through many other hurts in my life, and God has always, always been faithful to bring beauty out of my own mistakes, or things done to me, or just out of the circumstances or dissapointments of living in a fallen world.
I know he will always make it beautiful, he takes the chaos in our lives and turns it into divine beauty.
Thank you God for putting my Brokenness Aside.
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